i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
