Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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