Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
