She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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