you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
