Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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