I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize