That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Quick, to the slutcave!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
