I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
