There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
