God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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