My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
