Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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