Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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