Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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