I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
