question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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