You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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