Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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