The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize