just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
