If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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