I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
