Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sarcasm needs its own font
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
