dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
