i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize