Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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