I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
