I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
