and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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