Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
