Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
