I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
