i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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