Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
