lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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