Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
