I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
