The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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