I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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