just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
