can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
