I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
