yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
