That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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