Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sarcasm needs its own font
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize