i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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