your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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