don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
