I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize