a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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