I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
