The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
