I'm passing your future prison.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize