sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
