we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
