so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
