Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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