the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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