Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
