my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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