Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize