were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
