Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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