No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
