I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
