Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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