Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
