i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
