I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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