Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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