I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize